I'm fine

 The hardest thing I've been through is when I feel pain without anyone knowing, and all I can say is "I'm fine." But others keep bothering and blaming you just because you changed, without knowing the internal struggle you're going through.

I used to always say that the days are all the same, no difference, and I got bored with the routine, but now I know and feel the difference. I used to be good at avoiding everything and not facing it—happy, active, always moving, and talking a lot. Now, everything is the opposite. You see me calm, silent, with no expression on my face, but inside there’s a huge chaos that no one else hears.

Why did this happen? Because I started facing my feelings and letting go of my old self—my habits and toxic relationships, the effort I put in alone without receiving anything in return.

I'm currently going through a difficult period to become better. I didn't know it would be this painful and exhausting. The problem is I'm still at the beginning, and I have a lot to do. Sometimes I feel like I'm late, but I tell myself that's okay, what's important is what I will become later.

It seems exhausting, things are happening that I'm not used to. Many times I think about stopping, my mind exhausts me, and I try to get rid of this thought.

I feel like I’m exaggerating. I mean, there are many people who don't care about themselves and are indifferent to their lives. How do they do that? Is this the right way? Not doing anything and surrendering, just waiting for life to do something to them.

How can something from the past still stay in my mind now, and how can something that’s going to happen be the focus of my thoughts from time to time, between the past and the future, but not the present?

Even my thoughts are many and random, and I can't control them.

When you start facing things, there will be a big change, and it will be a difficult phase, but it will be the reason for your growth later on.

Goodbye, take 

care of yourself.